oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
