It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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