i love accidental penises.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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