There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
