I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
