Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
