:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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