If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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