I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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