I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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