i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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