i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
