Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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