She is in my trunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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