she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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