I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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