a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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