I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
someone owes me an orgasm
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
