i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
