4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am puke
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
