Your face is a jimmy john
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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