Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
