I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
