Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
