Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
