Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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