Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
