Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you didnt know i had herpes?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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