Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
