this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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