i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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