I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
