so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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