I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
