nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
