Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
