Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
