I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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