I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize