dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize