watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
