Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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