My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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