Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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