Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
