He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
