he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You pole danced in your parka.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
