dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
