highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
