he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
