Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
