Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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