If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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