my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
