Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
