if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
