9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
