playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
