btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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