Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize