last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
