Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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