shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you traded sex for a burrito?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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