he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
