I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize