It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
