If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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