There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
