There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
