u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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