Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i will never coherently bang her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
