got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
