At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
