no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
