i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
