i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
