i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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