thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
