i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize