I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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