Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
