there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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