My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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