We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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