Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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