Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
